Abstract thoughts ...

"I might be in the basement. I'll go upstairs and check."
"We adore chaos because we love to produce order."
"I don't use drugs; my dreams are frightening enough." 
~M. C. Escher

"If you choke a Smurf, what colour does it turn?" 
~Jeff Dunham
 
"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."
~Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
 
"There are some situations from which one can only escape by acting like a devil or a lunatic." 
~George Orwell

Wanted : Person willing to seal gas leaks with candle. Must be willing to travel.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." 
~George Carlin

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before."
~Stephen Wright

"After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'"   ~Ronnie Shakes

"I don't intend to offend; I just offend with my intent."  ~Anthrax, Sound of White Noise

"Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I ..."