The holidays have been a bit different for me this year. Even though the holidays are zooming by, I have felt as though both my parents have had their arms wrapped around me . . . it has given me a warm 'n fuzzy feeling. I miss them both so much. The sad part is that neither one of them got to really enjoy their grandchildren, and now great grandchildren. Having said that, in the heavenly rooms above, I'm sure they've been looking down upon us all - and both very proud of us, and our upcoming generations.
Mom loved Christmas. She lived on so little and yet looked forward to the giving spirit of the holidays - even when it took nearly every cent she had to make those holidays complete. Dad, on the other hand, wasn't a big fan of family or holiday gatherings. He came to them, but under duress (from Mom and I). No lack of love - he loved and raised my half-siblings as his own - he was just a very private person and was uncomfortable in crowds (and, yes, even when that crowd was only relatives).
When I think about past holidays, emotions and feelings run rampant . . . happy and sad ones . . . hurtful ones . . . financially - well, like everyone, some more lucrative than others . . . some with gifts, and many times few or no gifts - often those are the times with the most love - the times we needed to depend on one another. Life, in general, is give and take. Giving is a warmth and happiness (for the giver and receiver). The "take" I'm referring to are the times when one needs to learn "accept" the giving from others when our own times are tough. And sometimes our "family" is not blood, but rather those that you surround yourself with, who love you unconditionally.
From my generation, family gatherings were something we were "expected" to do, whether we wanted to or not. As I'm sure happens in many families, once the family "matriarch" (primarily mother, or the parents) are gone, families seem to drift apart . . . especially the generations above me (or below me, depending on how you look at it). And family who shun you . . . forgive them and love them anyway. That's being the "bigger person" . . . at least you can have a clear conscience. Yes, personal vengeance can temporarily feel sublime, but karma reigns supreme. What goes around, does come around, in some way or another.
As we all know, one cannot change the past. Regret is futile and actually an act of REgression, and not PROgression. No reason for regrets, because everything we do and accomplish in our lives mold us into the person we become. And each living day I have gives me another opportunity to continue to grow, as an individual. Fortunately, I'm okay with who I see in mirror each day. Yes, there are situations in the past that could have been handled differently, but not at the age or stage I was in my life - at that time.
What mirror you lookin' in?!